Innovative Approaches to Stimulating the Economy

Innovative Approaches to Stimulating the Economy
By Andy Alt / Political Dimensions

February 7, 2009

Desperate situations require desperate actions — that’s obvious when an economic stimulus package like the one being discussed has been seriously considered. Will it help? Maybe. Is it a lot of money? For sure. But before passing the buck (so to speak, and in gross violation of Harry Truman’s definition of passing the buck), I strongly feel that innovative and creative alternatives should be considered.

I’m not an economist and get very confused and frustrated when confronted by money, but I think my creativity makes up for my lack of practical and real knowledge. At my educational level, as a typist and as a person qualified to sit in a chair in front of a computer, I don’t understand why the government would give money to people when it’s the economy which needs it. Why not give the money directly to the economy, thereby cutting out the middle-man?

But I’ll provide some realistic and practical ideas.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s plan to earn money had one extremely fatal flaw among numerous severely fatal flaws: he didn’t offer a piece of the action to other members of the American political syndicate or his fellow patriotic Americans. Rod had the right idea, just poorly executed with no oversight. Auctioning off jobs to the highest bidder is a great way to increase revenue. If Rod had never got caught, and if Oprah Winfrey had decided to accept the position, it would have been no problem to completely fund the economic stimulus package with her 780 billion dollars.

Another proposal of mine to help stimulate the economy is to start charging voters admission. Charging voters for their privilege and right to vote would serve a two-fold purpose. Obviously the first need served is for money. The second benefit would be an increase in voter participation.

It might surprise my readers to learn that charging people money to vote would actually increase voter turn-out, but the concept is based on two very simple facts: playing “hard to get” will heighten desire, and people want what they can’t have. Therefore, by all my standards of logic, voters would have an increased arousal and desire for voting because it’s made more inaccessible.

I’m a proponent of flat-rate voting. Fees should be decided by the Federal government. The rights of individual states to legislate their democratic future should be eliminated, or sold back to them for 100 millions dollars plus 7.9% interest. Included in this economically stimulating idea, people should only be charged 3.7% of the regular admission price if they plan to vote for third-party candidates.

These ideas are only a starting point. There are many clever, ingenious, illegal, and diabolical ways to create financial solvency. Giving money away is often a bad option if lack of money is a problem, so I felt it necessary to write this economist’s guide to help jump start a discussion on innovative approaches to stimulating the economy. If you agree with any of these proposals, I encourage you to forward a signed copy to your Congressional representative. Be sure to include a note requesting reimbursement for your stamp.

And what are we doing to save money in Minnesota? Cutting back 50% on United States senators.

See Also: Google Attempts to Acquire itself, Shares Plummet

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Disclaimer: The preceding article was a fictitious (not real, untrue, devoid of facts, false, wrong, misleading, deviant, dishonest, conflicted to reality, illusory, imprecise, inaccurate) piece of work. It was funded in part by viewers like you, the Democratic National Committee, and the Republican National committee. Oprah Winfrey, Jack Abramoff, and Ralph Nader disapprove of this work of fiction (lie, falsehood, inconsistent facts, insincerity, negligence, irresponsibility). Any resemblance to persons mentioned, both living or dead — including me — is entirely coincidental. Reading this may have caused diarrhea, constipation, stimulation, sleepiness, excitement, sexual arousal, sexual dysfunction, boredom, suicidal thoughts, lack of suicidal thoughts, love of life, or love of death. If you’ve experienced serious adverse reactions you’re out of luck due to the disclaimer being placed at the bottom instead of the top.