Representative David Bly Arrested, Political Future Uncertain
By Andy Alt / Political Dimensions
Sep 29, 2008 – Disappointing the vast majority of his supporters, Representative David Bly, Minnesota House Democrat representing District 25B, was arrested yesterday on charges of vandalism and trespassing. An anonymous caller to Northfield Police dispatch reported that someone was inserting campaign signs into front yards near Spring Creek Park. The NPD arrived within three minutes. Using flashlights, they quickly found their prey, who looked up, with an expression similar to that of a deer. He only froze for a moment though, and then ran off, dropping his hammer and bundle of campaign signs. Showing physical prowess and athletic ability uncharacteristic of a politician (State or Federal), Bly, on foot, managed to evade the Northfield Police for 20 minutes before he was tackled by an officer who had set up a road block shortly after the call came in.
One of the arresting officers, and a former student of Bly’s, identified the suspect instantly. Because Bly is a high-profile politician for District 25B, the officers, instead of immediately handcuffing Bly and reading him his rights, decided to question him about his actions. Bly responded, “I think every Minnesotan has the right to health care and education. We should recruit one school nurse for every 10 students, and renovate each school to include trauma wards — one one each floor — and the renovations should be paid for with the salaries earned by my Republican colleagues in the Minnesota State Legislature.”
Bly’s current challenger, Tim Rud, instantly appreared out of the mist, and said, “No, David, we need to cut taxes and teach all children between the ages of 18 and 120 to vote for me this November.” Bly cleared his throat for a rebuttal, but as soon as he started speaking, Rud had already disappeared back into the mist.
The officer asked Bly to be more specific about his actions, and told him if he didn’t comply, they’d have no other choice but to haul him downtown. Before Bly could answer, an officer came walking over, carrying the hammer and campaign signs that Bly had dropped. “Lieutenant, take a look at these.” He rifled through all the signs, and then looked straight into Bly’s eyes and asked him, “Why were you posting lawn signs for Tim Rud’s campaign?” Bly looked away, unable to face his former student. He answered, “I’m a nice guy, everyone knows that. I just wanted to help him out. Tim seems like a nice guy, too. He wants to help people, like I want to help people. I thought I’d do him a favor; after all, Tim’s new to politics and hasn’t even had a chance yet. I’ve been representative for two years so I just thought I’d give him a little help.”
The officer sighed, read Bly the Miranda warning, but decided it wasn’t necessary to handcuff him. Bly was incarcerated overnight in the Mayor Lansing’s office at City Hall. Bail was set at a hearing this morning, and was already posted by Tim Rud. Rud drove Bly home, but before leaving, Rud opened up the trunk of his car and attempted to hand a bundle of “Tim Rud” lawn signs to him. Bly flatly refused receipt, acknowledging that crime doesn’t pay. When asked to comment about Bly’s arrest and reason for it, Rud answered, “With the votes of my supporters and Bly’s hard work, I’m confident I’ll win and go to Saint Paul next January. If I lose, I’ll go there anyway because I have some shopping to do. If I’m elected this November, the first thing I’ll do to maintain Republican values and ensure smaller government is resign. If David Bly is elected, I’ll ask him to resign. If he refuses, I’ll accuse him of supporting big government and run against him in 2010.”
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This article is a work of fiction.
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