State of Minnesota Facing Lawsuit from RIAA
By Andy Alt / Political Dimensions
April 1, 2008 – A spokesperson for the RIAA announced today that a lawsuit was filed on March 31, 2008 against the State of Minnesota, and that a suit against the US Federal Government will follow. The RIAA is an organization which has gained notoriety in recent years for obtaining money that doesn’t belong to them. Their financial model consists of suing individuals who have obtained music that doesn’t belong to them. The RIAA spokesperson, Mewzic B. Gawn, stated in her announcement, “Minnesota cannot legally display an original copy of the Declaration of Independence at the State Capitol, nor any other facility, at any time. The Declaration’s copyright has expired, and it has since been recorded as an audio book by my client, and it is he who holds the copyright to said audio book.”
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty (R) is not only prepared, but optimistic. “It’s a circumstance such as this which brings about an opportunity to create a bipartisan atmosphere in the Minnesota State Legislature.” State Senator Kevin Dahle (D) disagreed, State Representative David Bly (D) agreed, State Representative Laura Brod (R) disagreed, and House Minority Leader Marty Seifert (R) agreed. A debate still exists on whether or not the governor made such a statement or if he even has a Minnesota street address. Mayor Lansing commented, “I’m unsure of the outcome, but I’m writing many letters to address the issue.” TheNorthfield City Council has authorized a study to determine if “RIAA” is a word, an acronym , or someone’s middle initial.
Various mobsters have been invited to assist the State of Minnesota in their defense of the RIAA. An anonymous small-time gangster cited historical data. “It ain’t gonna be da first time we gave ‘em a little help, and it sure as hell aint gonna be da – ” He was unable to complete his thought, sentence or life, as a much larger man in a much nicer suit impolitely led him away to awe at the beauty and depth of the Cannon River. No further comments will be recorded about the incident.
Sam Gett, publisher of the Northfield News, stated his support for the State of Minnesota, and the Legislature thanked him for his support. Northfield playboy and entrepreneur Jerry Bilek of Monkey See, Monkey Read said that he’ll be selling books about the lawsuit as soon as they’re published. District Judge Tom Neuville has noted, “It’s extremely convenient that most of the government consists of lawyers. And businessmen are also a significant asset when it’s relevant to interpreting contracts between recording companies, their clients and consumers; Most gratefully, President Bush has consented to aid us, citing his background in Business at Harvard.”
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