Water Adds up to an Ocean | Humor

Water Adds up to an Ocean
By Andy Alt / Political Dimensions

21 Aug 2005 – I feel very strongly about the existence of water. I think it should continue to exist. I’m grateful that I have easy access to it because I know — although I’m not well-traveled — that there are other countries in the world that don’t have a user-friendly interface for collecting water, or upgrading their hydration level. I’m also grateful that the price and tax on clean, filtered water is fairly reasonable at the current market rate. For the same price as some generic medication, one can purchase a case of clean water. This is really something you would expect from what is called the wealthiest nation on Earth. If not for Water Corporations and other Industries, the United States would be a very poor country. If the Water Corporations and Water Treatment Corporations would merge — and combine their knowledge — a utopia could begin to form which excluded water tax, yet still would include health. Their economic drain could be supplemented by exploiting and taxing other countries who were willing to be exploited for clean water. There could be a Guideline Constitution created to prevent coercion; a violation of rights would occur if someone was exploited without prior consent and an affidavit signed testifying to their willingness to be exploited. They would then have the chance to pay tax to a lawyer to prove that they’ve been exploited, and perhaps achieve a state of refund.

I don’t meant to complain about how health relates to entrepreneurial creativity. The idea of capitalism and taxing water is what made this country what it is today. Capitalism isn’t the only idea that made this country, but also the ideas of liberty; liberty coupled with the sacrifices made by soldiers and nurses, and many more taxable citizens to bring about freedom from taxation by Britain (who had attempted to impose a tax on stamps). I don’t know this ‘Britain’ guy, but he sounds like the type of bloke who would tax water and gravity if he couldn’t find them under his arse. The American colonists were pretty agitated about the Stamp Act because they were paying taxes on stamps that didn’t even feature George Washington or Elvis Presley. This sparked an important revolt that created Democracy and the idea that even the poor can be exploited; and if one is a lawyer the effects of exploitation can be achieved at a much higher rate of monetary acquisition. When I was a young boy and my mother asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up, Andy Alkaline?” I was very sure of my answer, “I wanna be the CEO of a Water Corporation or a member of a subversive organization. I thought about being a writer, Mom, but I think I’ll wait until word processors are invented; I don’t think I could afford the ink’em tax on pens.”